We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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