$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
