you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
