Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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