i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
