theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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