you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
