You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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