I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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