I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
