we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
