4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
