It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All the doctor said was why
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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