On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
