Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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