Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
