anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
