He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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