I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
