so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love you. Go after that dick
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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