My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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