If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
