onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
