why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
