I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
