Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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