I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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