Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
