Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Randomize
