were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Send help, water and tortillas.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
