put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize