Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize