I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
