so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
