It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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