mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
