I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
