you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
