im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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