she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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