I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
