So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
