What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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