"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
