It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize