this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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