I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
