It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
