how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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