why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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