question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
