You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
