OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
