I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
