I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
