i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
