I wanna bring you to show and tell
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this boner is exhausting
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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