Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
