Your dad touched me again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
