i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Drake has all the answers
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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