its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
