so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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