did you get engaged???
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
