fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
