So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
