Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
