im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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