Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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