If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
