I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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