You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
