So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
